


I said I love you at the boardwalk

by orphan_account



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Beach fic, M/M, PWP, Phone Sex, Smut, Vacation, hisoillu, my porn developed a plot and ran away, phantom troupe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:53:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28571811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Illumi finds himself with a job to take down half of the Chinese mafia when they stay at a beach resort. A perfect attack, no one would expect an assassin on vacation. Hisoka, his boyfriend for 2 years decides to tag along, for emotional support and help on the job. Hisoka thinks Illumi needs to lighten up and enjoy Burmuda but Illumi thinks Hisoka needs to take the job more serious.
Relationships: Hisoka & Illumi Zoldyck, Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 19
Kudos: 88





	1. Chapter 1

Illumi comes home from a job at around 5 am. He is tried, groggy, covered in blood and the worst part is that is hair is messy. 

The man he was after thought he was going to go down with the fight, sadly he just went down. It’s pathetic that people think they can beat him, the struggle for their lives before Illumi kills them brings the assassin large amounts of joy. 

Illumi slides off his shoes as he steps inside of his apartment, hanging his keys up on the hook and walking softly, not to wake up Hisoka who is sound asleep in their bedroom. It’s a quiet morning, Illumi is going to sleep all day but first he needs to take a shower.

The bathroom floor is cold, it’s alarming and wakes up the tired assassin. The light of the bathroom is bright and white, his tried eyes reflect back at him in the mirror as he waits for the water to heat up.

Hisoka taught him that warm water gets rid of blood under one’s nails much faster than cold water. Before this tip from his fiancé, Illumi was into the military, cold, three minute showers. 

Now he rarely showers without bath salts and...well...Hisoka’s wet and naked body next to him. Definitely not something to complain about. 

Illumi pulls out one of his many brushes from his respected drawer in the couple’s bathroom, his is filled with hair prooducts and Hisoka’s has all of his extensive make up collection. Illumi combs through the knots in his hair before pulling his top off, unbuttoning his corset and pushing down his pants and boxers in one swift movement. 

“Showering without me, I see.” Hisoka purrs from the doorway, startling the cold and very naked Illumi. Illumi just got back from a job, so he is a bit more jumpy than he usually would be. 

“Good morning.” Illumi blinks, eyelids heavy. 

“Great morning.” Hisoka smirks, glancing down at Illumi’s pale and toned ass. 

“Shut up.” Illumi blushes bright red, still covered in dirt and blood. 

“No ‘I miss you’ kiss? Cold.” Hisoka leans against the door fame, checking his nails. 

“Always.” Illumi scoffs, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist. The fabric is soft and fluffy, the towels Hisoka buys are always at least a three thousand thread count. 

“You look hot covered in blood.” Hisoka smiles, glancing down at Illumi’s ass one last time.

“Thanks.” Illumi deadpans, putting his hand in the shower’s hot water stream. 

“Can I wash the blood off of you? I’m very good at that, you know that.” Hisoka asks softly, hand on Illumi’s cold and blood soaked shoulder. 

“Fine. No sex right now, I’m tried and I’m not falling asleep on your dick again.” Illumi pushes his hand off, glancing at his not trimmed nails. Another reason he’s not the mood right now. 

“That makes me sound boring, you know I’m not.” Hisoka scoffs, leaning against the door as he closes it.

“You’re not. At all. You are annoying though.” 

“Why thank you, darling.” Hisoka licks his upper lip and looks at Illumi like he’s the most beautiful and delicious person ever. Which he is. At least to the magician he is. Hisoka strips without any warning, Illumi notices that his dick is quite perky for someone who doesn’t plan on having sex. Suspiciously perky and red at the tip. Illumi takes a good look, it’s been a week and his eyes are delayed with exhaustion. That’s why he looked, okay. 

Illumi steps in the shower, the ceramic floor is cold, the water is hot and steamy. It’s just what he needed after an aching job of taking down a mafia boss in York New City. The man was skilled in nen, but nothing Illumi couldn’t handle. Hisoka takes off his boxers and follows, grabbing Illumi’s hips from behind and pulling him close against the warm water. 

Illumi tenses, feeling Hisoka’s warm skin against his own, the base of his dick pressed up on the assassins thigh. Hisoka’s head rests on Illumi’s shoulder, watching the water below them turn a pinkish red with the blood on Illumi’s porcelain skin. 

“I’ve missed you, darling. It’s been oh so lonely without you.” Hisoka purrs into his neck, taking a cautionary kiss on the Zoldyck’s neck. Illumi allows it, relaxing his tense body and filling the gap between Hisoka’s chest and his back by leaning back and letting his neck be kissed, sniffed and bitten. 

Illumi lets out a small moan, it’s been a while since he has been touched by his boyfriend and he missed this way more than he expected to. Hisoka mutters a ‘mmm’ like sound against his neck, Illumi feels his length hard against him as he continues to kiss down his neck and the small of his back. 

“I said no sex and you are hard.” Illumi tries not to gasp as Hisoka bites him, the assassin’s stomach dropping. 

“I’m hard because you are really turning me on.” Hisoka moans, but Illumi just pushes him away. 

“Pervert. Let me wash my hair and stop trying to fuck me.” Illumi sighs, grabbing a bottle of his expensive shampoo and massaging it into his scalp away from the water. 

“Sorry.” Hisoka grins, watching Illumi covered in shiny water and soap suds. 

“No you’re not.” Illumi blinks, pouring more of the thick shampoo between his finger tips. The soft shaaa of the water and Hisoka’s deep laugh fill the empty bathroom, Illumi heart jumping down to his crotch. 

“Aw poo. I really thought you would fall for that.” Hisoka crosses his arms, leaning against the cold, marble wall. “At least let me suck you off it’s been so long without you and I’m starting to loose function in my left eye.”

“You have your other eye.” Illumi acts like a good shower blow job after a long job does not appeal to him. It’s so appealing that he’s starting to feel pins and needles in his stomach. 

“Please, darling? I know you love it when I’m on my knees for you. I love being your slut, baby.” Hisoka pulls back his soaking wet hair, dips down to his knees against the white, stone floor and looks up at him with wide and yellow eyes. 

Illumi freezes and drops the shampoo bottle on the floor. He makes a squeaking sound, like a mouse being stepped on. His hair sticks to his face and his eyes bulge out of his head. 

“What’s wrong, darling?” Hisoka kisses his knee, Illumi grabs his dick with both of his hands and panics. He wants this, he does. He loves it when Hisoka is on his knees for him. Then he realizes something. Why has he been playing hard to get? Why has he been teasing Hisoka like this? There is clearly a large opportunity for Illumi to have some control. Illumi is usually a sadist and a bottom, which is a good contrast to Hisoka’s masochistic and top placement. 

Illumi takes the opportunity, he is horny, tired and covered in blood, and Hisoka looks so good right now. Illumi takes his hands off of his crotch, grabbing Hisoka’s hair. 

Hisoka moans, loudly and over dramatic as Illumi’s nails dig into his scalp. 

“Suck me off then.” Illumi says in a cold tone, which is what makes Hisoka’s eyes roll to the back of his head. 

“Ughhh you are so hot when you tell me what to do....it really, really turns me on!” Hisoka exclaims, long nails digging into Illumi’s cream-colored thighs as he looks up at Illumi with urgent eyes, similar to when he is in blood lust.   
“Please, let me taste you....I missed you so much...jerking off to the scent of your pillow is nothing compared to your dick.” Hisoka nuzzles Illumi’s knee, begging in a quivering voice. 

‘What the fuck?’ Illumi thinks, this is what he gets for hitching his wagon to the first sex addicted clo-magician that fingered him. It’s hot how badly Hisoka wants him, so he is going to hold it over his head.

“No sex tonight.” Illumi stops the hot water flow, grabbing a towel and stepping out of the shower. Hisoka moans, looking down at his erection with malice. 

“Babe~”

“No. I like watching you struggle.”

Hisoka might pass out, Illumi is the hottest man alive. 

•

Illumi wakes up to Hisoka’s arms tight around his waist, Illumi can feel his morning wood - to put it lightly - against the small of his back. Illumi groans, it’s too early for everything and anything. 

“I told you not to cuddle me so close. Makes me vulnerable to attack.” Illumi pushes Hisoka off of him, sitting up in bed and stretching his arms over his head. Hisoka puts a hand on his chest, dragging it down to his stomach and over his abs with his tongue poking out between his lips. 

“I want to fuck you like an animal.” Hisoka purrs, gripping Illumi’s shirt with his long nails and a grin. Illumi watches as Hisoka pulls up his shirt and kisses down his neatly waxed happy trail, but before Hisoka’s hands can dip below Illumi’s boxers, Illumi’s work phone rings. 

Hisoka groans, rolling off of his stomach and on to his back as Illumi picks up the phone. 

“Hello father.” Illumi says, hearing his father’s crackling voice on the end of the line. 

“Illumi. You have been commissioned for a job.”

“Oh?” Illumi glances over at half naked Hisoka in the bed next to him. Hisoka looks up at him, he looks mad and turned on at the same time and Illumi does not know how to react to that. 

“It’s a mafia boss from York New. But...he’s currently running a resort on an island...some tropical-Bahamas’s resort bull shit.” Silvia says over the phone, Hisoka crawling slowly towards the sitting up Illumi. “A place an assassin should be able to blend in well.”

“Ah. And how long should this take?” Illumi asks, Hisoka’s hand going under the elastic of the assassin’s boxers and cupping his cock. Illumi gasps, covering his mouth with his hand. 

“No longer than a week. There are other targets, I’ll send you the file via email for the mafia members you will need to take out.” Silvia states in a monotone, Hisoka working his hand over Illumi’s forming erection. Illumi thinks, which is hard when there is a hand on his dick. Multiple targets in the mafia means he might need some help. Kalluto is too young to go on a mafia strike, he is still in training. Silvia and Zeno can’t come, they simply do not  
have time for a job like this. Then, Hisoka licks the head of Illumi’s dick through his boxers. It becomes clear in that moment who he has to take with him....oh god.

“Okay.” Illumi swallows a moan, bucking his hips. Hisoka laughs. It’s deep, his morning voice is so hot.

“Is someone there with you?” Silvia asks, illumi jumps, pushing Hisoka off of the bed and stands up to look out of the window. Hisoka lays on the floor, laughing in a low and needy tone.

“No father. I have to go, send me the file. The targets will be eliminated in a week as promised.” Illumi mutters before hanging up the phone. He looks at Hisoka with anger in his half closed and tried eyes. 

“You are hard.” Hisoka purrs, half naked on the floor, a blanket over his chest.

“I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH MY FATHER.” Illumi says in a low and angered tone. “You sick perv.”

“So are we going to fuck or....?” Hisoka looks to the side and asks in a pretty little voice from the top of his vocal cords. 

“Hisoka....we are going on a job together. Pack a bathing suit and sun screen.” Illumi looks down at his dick, back down at Hisoka and then up at the ceiling.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The couple arrive at the hotel, let’s just say Hisoka finds a way to calm down illumi

Hisoka and Illumi step out of the air ship at around nine am on a Saturday. The strike is scheduled on Wednesday, so the couple have plenty of time to enjoy themselves on Silvia’s credit card at an all inclusive resort. 

Illumi is jet lagged, he smells like the stale air of the air craft and his hair is frizzy from the humidity of the tropical island they just landed on. 

Hisoka on the other hand, looks fabulous. Like a model out of Paris. His hair is perfect, eyeliner straight, he smells wonderful, and he is a stark contrast to Illumi. 

“Where to, love?” Hisoka asks, pulling out a pair of sunglasses and sliding them over his nose. 

“We should get clothes to blend in. Go to the gift store.” 

“I thought I looked good.” Hisoka smiles, gesturing to his outfit. 

“Stands out too much. We are tourists, remember?” Illumi looks down at what he’s wearing, a corset with a green crop top and tech wear baggy pants. Hisoka is dressed in a cropped top, wristbands, high socks, a corset and heels. They definitely do not blend in. They might as well be stand users from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure.

The gift shop carries the ugliest clothing Illumi has ever laid his eyes on. Beach shorts with floral patterns, large, red life guard hoodies and rap around sunglasses with green lenses your racist uncle would wear. Or a pink haired teenager. Really depends. 

Hisoka grabs a button up beach shirt adorned with orange flowers. 

“Honey, what do you think of this?” Hisoka holds up the absolute eye sore of a shirt, grabbing a pair of grey sweat pants with the words of the island they are on in large white lettering down the leg. 

“Ugly.” Illumi dead pans, grabbing a black sun hat and a black robe. 

“I’ll take three of these shirts.” Hisoka grins at Illumi, putting the orange shirt his boyfriend had just called ugly on the counter. The meek woman behind the counter nods, running to the back to grab more for Hisoka. Illumi sighs, grabbing a black hoodie, green short shorts and a towel. The woman behind the counter comes back with more of Hisoka’s ugly shirts,  
Illumi piles the mob of black and green clothing on top of Hisoka’s contrasted bright colored beach attire. 

“Your total will be one hundred and fifty dollars.” The woman says, Illumi groans loudly. 

“Are you kidding me?” He says in a monotone, handing the woman her father’s credit card. She rings it up, shaking because Hisoka and Illumi are very strong and tall men and she is a short and skinny under payed teenager. 

Hisoka grabs the bag and thanks the woman like a gentleman, meanwhile Illumi opens the file for the job on his cell. There are five men they have to take out, two of them know nen.  
Nothing the couple cannot handle. There is very few things they can not handle. 

“Shall we hail a taxi, darling? I want to get you back to the hotel room~” Hisoka whispers hot against Illumi’s ear while they are in line at a cafe, Illumi needs a hot coffee after such a long flight.

“Enough, Marrow. You are bordering on assault.” Illumi steps on his foot in his boots, walking up to the counter after a woman finishing her order. 

Illumi orders a black coffee and Hisoka hails a taxi. They sit in the back seat, Illumi sips his coffee and reads the file one last time as they drive past palm trees and beaches. Hisoka on the other hand, puts his hand on Illumi’s thigh, rubbing small circles on the fabric of Illumi’s pants. Illumi freezes, slapping his hand off. It’s not the time, he needs to focus on this very important job. 

“Beach vacation, boys?” The taxi driver laughs, driving down the highway and out of the air port.

“Our honey moon, actually.” Hisoka lies, grabbing Illumi’s thigh again and grinning at him with lust filled eyes. 

“Oh. A happy couple, eh?” The driver tries not to act shocked that they are ‘married’.

“Not really. He gets on my nerves.” Illumi tries his best to be sarcastic and try at humor. Hisoka rolls his eyes, squeezing his thigh again before letting go and looking out of the window as they drive. 

“How long until we get there?....I want to take my husband back to the hotel room.” Hisoka grins in a deep tone, Illumi’s brows furrow and he rolls his eyes. 

“Shouldn’t be long, sir.” The man behind the wheel stutters. 

“Ah. Okay.” Hisoka smiles at a mad Illumi. 

They arrive at the hotel, it’s very large and the air smells of the ocean. It is a beach side hotel, after all. Hisoka pays the driver, unlocking the door for Illumi and grabbing their bags from the trunk of the cab. Illumi steps out of the car and stretches. 

The lobby is beautiful, filled with tropical art of birds and flowers, the windows reflect out on a large beach with pink sand. It smells of tea and fresh baked bread, along with the ocean and sun screen. Illumi pretends he hates it, but it’s so beautiful and calm. 

They walk to the reception desk, garnering eyes and strange glares from old couples on vacation with their grandchildren. 

“Hello sir.” The woman behind the desk smiles, Hisoka smiling back at her. 

“Hello. I was the man that called about the honey moon suite.” Hisoka says, Illumi confused to why, when and how he did that. 

“Ah yes. Mr Marrow, I believe?” The woman scrambles to her desk top, typing something on the key board with the click-clack-click. 

“Yes, perfect.” 

“It says here you booked the honey moon suit last minute for a week...is that correct?” She asks, typing something into the computer and grabbing two key cards from the drawer behind her. 

“Indeed.” Hisoka hums, tapping his finger nails against the marble counter of the reception desk. 

Illumi is so confused. How did Hisoka book the honey moon suit? They are not even married yet. The honey moon suits usually need to be booked months in advance to get even a couple nights in there. Especially, a place as high profile as this resort. 

“Before I send you two off, I need to see some form of identification.” The worker smiles large, holding her hand out for an ID. Hisoka opens his wallet and hands her his hunter  
license. He’s a criminal, he doesn’t have a normal ID. It works as a form of identification, the woman is shocked that he has a hunter’s license. 

“You must be a very lucky bride, your husband is a hunter.” The woman tips her head to the side with a smile and closed eyes. Illumi fumes, did she just call him a bride? 

“Yes, I am a very lucky groom.” He says through gritted teeth, the woman jumping back. 

“Oh. My apologies.” 

“No worries, he is just a little jet lagged. Isn’t that right darling?” Hisoka puts his elbow on Illumi’s shoulder, trying to calm him down. The woman hands them their key card and tells them where and what number their room is located with shaking hands and a shaky voice. 

They walk to their room, Hisoka grabs Illumi’s hand. 

“Don’t hold my hand in public. It’s unprofessional.” Illumi groans, shooting daggers with his eyes. 

“We are supposed to be a married couple on our honey moon. That’s our cover up.” Hisoka thrums, squeezing his hand. “It would be suspicious if we were two work partners on a job at a vacation resort.” Hisoka does have a point, but oh how Illumi despises PDA. It’s so gross and not classy at all. Illumi was not raised to hold hands in public or sneak kisses outside of the bedroom. 

“Fine.” Illumi mumbles. “I guess...I guess you have a point.”

“Dear Illu, did you just admit I am correct?” Hisoka grins dramatically, hand over his heart. 

“Never speak of it.” Illumi grabs a key card and and slides it through the door and unlocks. 

The honey moon suit is huge, there are rose petals and candles, a heart shaped hot tub on the balcony, a beach over look, a large double-king sized bed, bottles of champagne and a flat screen television. 

It’s massive and it kind of intimates Illumi. 

“Darling, can you move out of the door way, the luggage is hurting my back.” Hisoka smiles, grabbing Illumi’s back and hips to move him to the side. Illumi jumps, he was in a daze by the massive room that just screams “have sex here now 24/7” he is standing in-front of. 

Hisoka walks to the bed, kicking off his heels and pulling off his shirt. Illumi watches, closing the door with a lump in his throat. Hisoka looks over his shoulder, eyeing Illumi watching him change into a his normal-trophy-husband-on-vacation outfit. 

“You can watch me, or you can come and get a taste.” Hisoka runs his hand over his stomach, abs and down to the buckle of his pants. 

Illumi feels hot over his body, like the layers of his skin are trying to escape. He sweats a little bit. It has been so long and he would not mind feeling Hisoka warm on his tongue. Hisoka pulls the floral shirt over his broad shoulders, leaving it open so his toned abs and collar bone is visible. All Illumi can think of is sinking his teeth into his collar and licking down his abs. 

“Which pants should I wear tonight, darling? Or would you prefer none and I’ll just have you for dinner.” Hisoka purrs, sitting down on his bed and spreading his legs when he does. Illumi might pass out. He drops on all fours like he’s a dog in heat, crawling to Hisoka and pressing his nose against the crotch of Hisoka’s pants. It’s so degrading and whoreish, but oh god, Illumi loves it. 

“Let me have you, please.” Illumi pleads on all fours, Hisoka takings a large handful of his hair and pulling it forward so Illumi’s whole face is against his dick hard through his pants. Hisoka moans, low and quivering with arousal. 

“You’re a little bitch, you know.” Hisoka spits, yanking Illumi’s hair as he does so. 

“Mmm...only for you.” Illumi blinks, not in the slightest worried about his hair getting ruined. Well, maybe slightly. 

“Good. That’s what I like to hear.” Hisoka smiles, pulling his hands off of Illumi’s scalp to unzip the fly of his pants. Illumi waits, like a dog does for their food bowl to be filled. “Do me a favor and help me out with that zipper, dearest.” Illumi does what he’s told, grabbing the cold metal with his teeth and yanking on it until his teeth are sore and Hisoka’s pants are in a clump around his ankles. “So hot when you do stuff like that, you’re going to make me cum, right?” 

“Mhm.” Illumi nods, kissing the area of skin by the base of the magician’s cock. There’s a damp spot over the head of Hisoka’s dick under the fabric of his underwear, Illumi takes a lap at it with wide and innocent eyes. He watches Hisoka’s eyes roll back, his hands dig into the white, rose petal covered sheets and let out a low and airy moan. 

“So good.” He groans, rocking his hips forward in a way that begs Illumi to take him into his mouth. Illumi picks this up, pulling down the elastic of his boxers enough for Hisoka’s length springs out in one swift movement. 

Illumi grips his hands around the base and takes a long lap down the underside and over the head. He watches Hisoka writhe and moan as he does this, it is such a reward.

“So good, yes.” Hisoka guides Illumi’s lips to the throbbing head of his reddened erection.  
Illumi kisses it kindly before putting his pursed lips around the head of his cock.

Illumi hallows his cheeks, sucking like he is pulling out venom, which he has done before. A couple close calls comes with being an assassin. He pulls off, leaving Hisoka shiny with saliva before licking the hot pre-cum that bubbles at the tip. It’s salty and warm on his tongue and he missed this so much.

Hisoka pulls Illumi’s hair, causing Illumi to gag on the dick being pushed down his throat. It catches him off guard, tearing up from having his gag reflex triggered on such a unforgivingly large object. Hisoka seems to enjoy it though, thrusting his hips forward with a ruthless smile, fucking Illumi’s face until Illumi isn’t sure if he can see straight. 

“Fuck, your mouth is so nice for me.” Hisoka moans for the whole fucking hotel, Illumi is dizzy and his mind is clouded by arousal. “I’m so close, your so good for me.” Hisoka groans. Illumi hums in response, pulling back before jerking Hisoka off while he sucks at the tip. Hisoka raps his own hand around his cock, holding it with Illumi as they work to finish him off. 

Hisoka comes hot and fast on Illumi’s face, soaking his boyfriend.

Illumi falls back on his ass, whipping Hisoka’s cum off of his face and laughing softly to himself.

“Sorry. I got a little too...exited~” 

“I gathered that.” Illumi stands up, grabbing a towel and brushing off the slimy substance on his face. Illumi drops the towel to the floor, along with his pants. “It’s my turn now.” He says, hands on Hisoka’s shoulders as he pushes the panting man down on his back, straddling his waist. 

“Hmm. I want to fuck you hard. Ride me, darling.” Hisoka licks his upper lip, hands on Illumi’s hips. Illumi blinks in agreement, kicking his boxers and shirt off. They kiss, it’s rushed and hungry, biting of lips and licking of teeth. Hisoka’s hand runs down the back of Illumi, down the cleft of his ass until his pointer and middle finger circle Illumi’s hole as they kiss oh so hungrily. Hisoka pulls back his hand, licking it while making complete eye contact with Illumi before bringing it back down to where is opening is.

This is when Hisoka makes a mistake.

He presses his pointer finger, in which he has a long and sharp acrylic on into Illumi’s ass. 

Illumi yelps, jolting off of Hisoka’s chest and rolling off of the bed. 

His asshole was just stabbed by an acrylic nail. 

Illumi flushes bright red, covering his face with his hands as he does so.

“You just stabbed my asshole.” He mumbles, so embarrassed his stomach is doing cartwheels. 

“Baby, I’m sorry. I forget only two of my nails are short sometimes. Come, lay down.” Illumi groans but does what Hisoka says, laying down calmly and letting Hisoka suck him off quickly, just in time for them to get dressed for the dinner reservation Silvia had arranged for them. 

They both wear suits, as it is a higher profile restaurant. Illumi pins his hair back and Hisoka does not wear his usually face painted makeup, instead he goes for a natural eye makeup and hair down and relaxed kind of look. They use this time as an opportunity to scope out their targets, their weaknesses and the proper timing for a good attack. Illumi orders whiskey on the rocks for both of them, Hisoka sneaks his heel under Illumi’s pant leg and starts to toy with his crotch like he didn’t have a mind blowing orgasm less than thirty minutes ago. 

Illumi is watching one of the subjects he is on the job for when he sees a familiar face. 

Illumi spits out his whiskey, Hisoka realizes why and almost drops his cup.

Both of their stomachs drop to the floor.

“Holy fuck...” Hisoka mutters, glancing at the two people they have not seen in a hot minute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter 2 but the update will be next Wednesday! Stay tuned and thank u for reading


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A shorter update with our unexpected guests

Hisoka’s eyes dance around the restaurant,  
Illumi looking at the menu to decide what he wants for dinner. 

“The steak looks good- Hisoka?” Illumi looks up from his menu, Hisoka is staring daggers across the restaurant with his tongue poking out of his lips the way he does when he’s either focused or turned on. Sometimes both.

“Darling, look.” Hisoka points his finger across the restaurant, Illumi’s eyes following his finger. Illumi almost drops his wine glass.

The Phantom Troupe.

God fucking damnit, illumi thinks. Why would they be here for an island auction for the mafia? There is only one answer, they are here for something and are probably going to kill Illumi’s target.

If Illumi’s target is killed by anyone but him, he does not get the money. 

“What are they doing here?” Illumi fumes, turning red in the face. The amount of money he was going to get payed for this job was hefty, enough to not work for at least a couple months. He could spend that month looking for Killua and being with Hisoka. As much as that man gets on his nerves, he can also get on them the right way, enough to make him scream. 

It’s only three members of the troupe, a short one in a mask, a tall, broad shouldered blonde man with no eyebrows and a pink haired female at about five two in height. 

Three members too many.

The worst part is, the troupe is after Hisoka for revenge. Hisoka ruffled some feathers, to say the least. Pretending to be a troupe member, being actively after the boss - Chrollo Lucifer - - and killing off two of the members because...well...Illumi is not quite sure why Hisoka killed off Shalnark and Kortopi, but he did do it. 

Feitan, the torturer of the group, also number two of the spider, is essentially pissed off at Hisoka’s killing of Shalnark, who was number eleven. 

Feitan must be the short one in the mask, Illumi thinks. He knows Feitan is dangerous, thus why Hisoka wants to kill him so badly. Hisoka does not take interest in broken toys or unripe fruit. 

Feitan wants revenge. Feitan wants Hisoka dead, he has never liked the man, even when he was a part of the troupe. 

“Darling, I think we should get room service instead~” Hisoka starts, grabbing Illumi’s hand from across the table. His eyes plead that they leave, the troupe is not their biggest fan. 

“I agree. Let’s get out of here.” Illumi says in a haste, grabbing his wine and downing it in one sip. Hisoka smiles at him being so carefree, Illumi two years ago would never sip alcoholic beverages so freely. He is immune to the wines effect, but Hisoka knows he enjoys the bitter taste.

They leave the restaurant, slipping through the back exit and running towards the elevator. 

Once inside, they both exhale in relief. 

Illumi presses the floor button and they fly up the hotel in panicked sinence. 

“So...” Hisoka starts when they get to the room. It is still a mess from the fondling of when they got to the honey moon suite after the long plane ride. 

“So...” illumi sits on the foot of the bed, taking his heels off and setting them aside. 

“The phantom troupe is clearly after our target.” Hisoka leans against the wall, pulling a card out of his pocket and looking at it with a blank stare. “But they are also after me.” Hisoka draws another card. Illumi nods, it makes sense to why they would be after him and why they would definitely spare Illumi if they were to find Hisoka. 

Illumi is valued to the Phantom Troupe, he is a hirable assassin with little to no morals when it comes to who and what to kill off. 

“Yes. Our target arrives at the resort tomorrow, we need to wait until my father gives us the ‘okay’ to kill him.” Illumi leans back on the bed, pulling a pin out of his hair to let it down from the bun he was sporting to what would have been their romantic dinner on a paradise island. “The troupe is after someone at the auction, they have no idea that you nor I am here. We used fake names and they do not know that we are together.”

“Machi knows.” Hisoka points a card at the relaxed Illumi.

Illumi rolls his eyes.

“Of corse she does.” 

“The first time you let me put it in,  
I told her everything. Called her up while you were in the shower.” Hisoka shrugs. “That was a good night.”

“You came in two minutes and peed in my potted plant.” Illumi deadpans, blinking slowly. 

“I apologized for killing your plant.” Hisoka points his card at Illumi with narrowed eyes. 

“I know. Now...drop the makeup and put your hair down. We can’t have your loud outside getting us caught or killed.” Illumi gestures at Hisoka’s outlandish outfit of skinny jeans, a orange button up and heeled sandals. Hisoka frowns, it’s better than what he usually wears based on blending in with the crowd of tourists, old couples and families. They are supposed to be a couple on their honeymoon. 

“I’ll do that when you drop your panties, darling.” He snickers, licking his card before throwing it at Illumi’s feet. It snags his dress pants, pulling them down as the card hits the floor. Illumi gasps, how dare he?

“Please, let me finish, you perverted moron.” Illumi yanks the card out of the floor and rips it. Hisoka frowns when he does that. Sexy moment ruined. 

“Sorry.”

“Now. The Phamtom Troupe is here so we must keep an even lower profile. Let’s limit leaving the room to just at night and early in the morning. The Troupe shouldn’t leave any further than the resort, so we should go for dinner in the city rather than the restaurant here. Same with the beaches.” Illumi lectures, Hisoka listening along while playing with his cards.

“It shouldn’t be too hard keeping you inside this room.” He smirks, implying that he will be having sex with Illumi constantly. Illumi can not handle that, he needs to be in top condition at all moments when the troupe is after the same target he is. He can’t be sore or limping or even worse sometimes. Hisoka tends to get carried away. 

“Anyways....what do you want for dinner?” Illumi grabs the menu off of the counter, standing off the foot of the bed. He flips through it, looking at Hisoka. 

“You.” It’s cheesy, he knows it is. Hisoka tackles Illumi onto the bed, kicking off his shoes and kissing him so hard, their teeth knock and their faces smash together. 

-

“Thinks I saw Hisoka.” Feitan looks around the restaurant, kicking his feet back and fourth in his chair because his feet don’t touch the floor.

“Fei, you’re just tried. That motherfucker is probably banned from every hotel in the world.” Phinks rolls his eyes, taking a sip of his vodka tonic. 

Machi looks around, scanning the restaurant. 

“I don’t see him. He’s pretty hard to miss.” Machi smiles, she knows that Feitan hates him. Every molecule in the torturer’s body is activated just to hate Hisoka, but it’s not a lot of molecules. 

“Me no like him. Stupid cunt.” Feitan grunts under his mask, flipping through the menu to the kids menu section. 

“Woah, Fei, watch your language.” Machi laughs, Phinks staring at her.

“Only I get to call him that.” Phinks snarls, 

“Do not refer me at all.” Feitan burrys his whole face in his mask and points to the children’s Mac and Cheese for Phinks to order for him. 

“Who taught Feitan all these swear words?” Machi asks, blinking at Phinks.

“Cāo nî, Machi.” Feitan spits, grabbing his kids cup. The waiter though Phinks and Machi were married and Feitan was their son. He is still very embarrassed. Why would Phinks choose Machi over him? Never. 

Machi pulls out her phone and opens Google translate.

“Feitan, what happened to troupe members don’t fight with others, mmm?” Machi teases, watching Feitan’s face turn red with embarrassment. 

“When are Kalluto and Shizuku meeting us here?” Phinks asks, kicking Feitan under the table.

“Tomorrow. Once my girlfriend gets here I won’t have to deal with you two gremlins.” Machi smiles, thinking of Shizuku.

“Hey. I’m above average height.” Phinks laughs, Feitan smacks Phinks over the head with his umbrella. He groans in pain.

“So w...we...we are on sitting baby duty?” Feitan frowns, looking up from his mask at Machi. 

“Kalluto isn’t a baby, dude. That kid is an assassin at ten. And a Zoldyck. Also, you three seem to impress him with your nen. Maybe take him to the beach or the zoo.” Machi shrugs, trying not to laugh at Feitan pulling his mask down to drink from his red, bendy straw of his kids cup.

“Zoo?” Feitan looks at Phinks. The man pulls out his phone and quickly googles what Zoo is in Chinese.

“The Dòngwùyuán.” Phinks says, butchering Feitan’s native language like never before. 

“Ah.” Feitan takes another sip. Apple juice is almost as good as pulling off people’s finger nails. 

The troupe eats their free bread and enjoys their many on-the-house alcoholic drinks (laughing at Feitan having to pull out his ID to get a shot of baijiu) before dining and dashing. They don’t have time for paying for over priced steak and mediocre fish tacos. 

They step in the elevator with a waiter delivering room service, Machi makes friendly small talk with him as Phinks and Feitan play Raid Shadow Legends on Phink’s iPhone. 

“Where are you delivering two bottles of wine, a pack of bubble gum, ice cream and...is that a whole cake? to?” Machi laughs, looking at what the person ordered for room service. 

“The couple in the honeymoon suite. According to my co-worker, they are a very strange couple.”

“Yeah. Who the fuck actually likes bubble gum. I only know one dude and he’s very strange.” Machi thinks of what Hisoka would order for room service. It would probably be condoms and bubble gum, god forbid he eat anything bad that would ruin his body. He is very concerned about his waist line for some reason and he’s a sex addict. Machi feels bad for Illumi, his current conquest. 

“Not sure. I’ve never delivered something like this to the honey moon suite, if we are honest it’s usually coconut oil or chocolate moose.” The waiter laughs uncomfortably, grabbing the cart when they reach floor seven. 

Apparently, the two rooms Chrollo had booked were on the same floor as the suite the very nice waiter was delivering too. He’s so nice, Feitan almost regrets stealing his wallet. 

Almost. 

-

“Oh Illu, your ass is so good for me.” Hisoka moans behind him, Illumi laying down on all fours in downward dog position as Hisoka fucks him from behind. 

“Shut up, you’re ruining it.” Illumi grunts, sweating as Hisoka rams into him quickly. Hisoka’s nails dig into his hips, enough that his acrylic nails are drawing blood from the assassin’s hips. 

“Don’t talk back to me.” Hisoka barks, using his electric love to tie Illumi’s hand above his head, Illumi falling on his stomach and sighing loudly. The back of Illumi’s ass claps against Hisoka’s hips, the Zoldyck’s knees buckling and body tingling everywhere. 

Every nerve in Illumi’s body is on end, his stomach dropping in an endless pit as Hisoka pushes against his spot again and again and again. 

Hisoka is so loud in bed, Illumi loves it on any other occasion except for when there are people next door to them on either side of the thin walls.

There’s a knock on the door, Hisoka is still inside of Illumi, hard and close to climax when he pulls out and grand a robe. Illumi lays on the bed, bungee gum still around his wrists as he sweats and writhes in pain.

“I’ll answer.” Hisoka smiles, pressing a kiss to Illumi’s head. 

Hisoka opens the door to a man in a suit and his room service. 

“Thank you, sir.” Hisoka smiles, slipping the man a five dollar bill. The man smiles in a thank you, waving good bye as Hisoka wheels the cart inside of the room and closes the door.

“Your cake and milk shake are here, baby.” Hisoka says, watching Illumi struggle to sit up.

“Can we...like finish up here?” Illumi narrows his eyebrows, rolling on his back.

“Oh yeah. My bubble gum and wine can wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter update I’m sorry this fic is so slow rn the action is gonna pick up I swear!! See u next Wednesday guys


	4. Announcement

Hi guys it’s me 

I just wanted to let u guys know that I’m currently very swamped w school and cannot update for a couple months 

I’m writing a new fic though if u guys r interested but for right now this fic is on hold

I hope u guys understand 

Stay safe I love u guys!!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and votes are so appreciated! Updates every Wednesday and thank you for reading!


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